1. |
sugar lake
03:07
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security bill
hurricane kill
bathmat, tobacco
red river, cheesy potatoes
this rectangle is blinding until it’s not
this bottom system has me in thought
67 percent
noah’s on his attempt
and half of us aren’t even vaccinated
one month ago now
you were telling me about
your uncle’s pizzeria
and how he walked out
UDF and cookie dough
not the way you’d expect though
sugar lake
and alien eggs on display
I have a third eye
and it sees this life
will somehow be fine, without you
and I always swore
that I’d die, that I’d die, that I’d die, that I’d die
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2. |
taking in sun
01:47
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felt that shock sting
cause I’m a single stem
I’m on a hundred stems
bank of blues and reds
handed out to kids
gonna flower like this
gonna flow with the current
and drown for attention, for attention
and choke on choking on my own, on my own perseverance
and if anything happens, just say it was an accident
I’m under all the weight, felt that thing leave
the veins in my body
the blue in the water
and pockets I see lighter shades with eyes open and closed
beg to differ, I beg to differ
let’s just settle this here
I’m slated but authentic, the son of God has got my mothers attention
once her interests into her intent
I’m her’s, a metal slated virus
I’m taking in sun, I’m taking in you, I’m taking in this
do you know you?
I’m letting out bad shit, letting all the bad shit out, letting all the bad shit in, no not what I meant, oh
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3. |
brown bear
01:14
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green eggs at brown bear
sunshine, that’s somewhere
they said I was in a den of sorrows
everyones breaking up
to fall right back in love
I tell you so little
as we’re staring at the ducks
tilapia, tilapia
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4. |
pay here
05:16
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pay here for parking but I don’t
transition was similar to ones I’ve taken before
something for my head that she gave me
didn’t ask what it was, that’s terrifying
you said “I don’t want to see you in the morning” in a text about a sublease
does he pay attention, the one person that sees me walking
don’t want no mourning, I want what ryan tried
happiness in other places besides sobriety, sobriety, sobriety, sobriety
I’m swaying off to the side, now I’m just leaning
I’m feeling sick as I lose maxine
taste metal in my mouth
as I just begin breathing down the hill
her surgery never happened
playing a game
blue and green chips drawn from bags
get five, twice
until I lose once, then win
she withdraws from the night
as my eyes stay open
I then chip away from this mold that has a face
used to look like mine
fragments of self skin, of active silence
that went with time
that went with the wind
days and seconds like two vines
coiled in a beam
I broke it before, and it’s still breaking
I sit in this position even when I mention moving
I draw out an escape route
I get five, twice
my mind wanders off
I hear her roll over
I reposition her blanket then recall how exactly in detail will I be better off
detach myself from the end of the bed
to hurt myself in private
have a status I cover up,
come back out in one motion, in one motion,
in one motion
like a sparrow that’s swimming
|
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5. |
hurry
02:39
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a half year with half the hallway
in my birth state, it’s a clean slate
you came to me I came to you
she picked us up and I saw them too
your mom is sick and they’re in school
fell like a friend from the current
caught me standing in an impression of a moment
of a moment
said you called me begging
to do what he did but do it different
to do it different
told him chase told him how it happens, it happened
while his friend ran assuming no way of knowing
my experience is seen how I came to love them through a power outage
for your question I might have an answer
but no sentiments
the random pace of which we contribute to our community garden
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6. |
tenaja
02:09
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I have a heart I’m part of this
I’m living life I’m taking bets
what’s the chance I could meet your kids?
I go to work, come back home, feel what’s missing, can’t let it go
It was never yours
I take control, get tired fast, take a hit, and now I’m sent
call my friends, and stay quiet
I have a brain but I’m secluded
I can’t think, but I think I’m losing
I’m behind the wheel, but I’m not driving
better off than my parents
I’m never sick but there’s always something
justin’s back, he has a mustache
I can walk it’s not that far
my own mind drifts somewhere far
if I am this, what are they?
I call my friends and I won’t stop talking
I have a heart a brain a body
I call my friends and I won’t stop talking
I have a heart a brain body
I have friends I have a family
I have friends I have a family
|
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7. |
demarcation
01:12
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it happened once now it happens all the time
but you don’t need to give me a reason
cause you took me to the beach
in Holland when I was seven
you were there, you saw it
I wasn’t there, I didn’t see it
when you left him, the way you saved the four of them, taught them courage
|
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8. |
mista
02:19
|
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she said he was out in talsma, in the perimeter, built in
he was offered free financing
someone else’s basement
asking about the security of their internet, and in return, his intentions
that home in mista, he’d been applying
in white woken clay, I thought he’d stay here
and dwell in the back in quiet orange black
slapped with shadows of embers out in byron center
back here after april before it started, after it was over, and the months after april
my sisters heart tickles I know because she tells me her part of the pact
split like in twigs in coral
her creeks in clean cushion
thank mona for pouring another drink
murdered in one basement, remembered in another
my sisters heart tickles, I know because she screams
“my heart hurts, my heart hurts”
in clean cushion I’m searching for a friend
I might switch over in sets, and sing this one about beth, what we both wanted and if it was different
|
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9. |
off center
01:55
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off center
fuck around the front
move it up a little
move it up a little
listen love
braided like blue marble
opposition now pursuit
to appear as my brothers
and there’s this pink hue hexagram
above all the people waiting
staring up at amber
so rare, her with patience
saw her outside that house on phillips
your campus and your college
elizabeth mentioned it
how we both saw her walking
in the middle of the place
unsaid, unsaid place
feel the sockets see the place
near my skull
as i see the shadow go
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10. |
colombia, tn
03:07
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running with runners
to tennessee in the summer
this node in my throat making it hard to talk
mutter goodbye
it was four years ago I was covered, but was benign
and time passes in little clicks
causes me to be upset
cry on the sand, fall to the sand
watch the sunset with them
explain to them how I’m just like them
it’s necessary, the explanation, cause I’m not like them
and this virus, this virus is making me beg them, seem pathetic
this view is making me hate this, colors in that order
I’m getting desperate for another angel
keep his soul from sinking into kerosene
keep his skull from bashing onto concrete
keep his love from walking backwards
keep him covered in cloth and fabric
keep him in the center, in the open
keep it from happening
what I wrote back in Portland, I know that we’re different, the same
but we’re cut in our own ways
what I wrote back in Portland, I know that we’re different, the same but
we’re cut in our ways
I recall the feeling at JFK
the initial tenderness of her face and how that changed, how that changed, how that changed
without any warning
yeah he’s running toward, no
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11. |
irvine, ca
02:42
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from sierra, funny how she came back
to make all this seem full circle
to irvine, put together in his mind
I know how he feels
I’ve seen the pieces and the line
come together to make sense in the light
sad how I’ve come here to draw this circle
in my own image
see the shadows in the afternoon, leave the morning in the light
leave the morning in the light
perform ritual for this audience
light the candles when I get their permission
house comes on
see the thought of them in dark grey cloth
belted with denial
draped in schedule
the bridge before the road
yield and clear the space
beside my birthday, your three day weekend
sierra drives from work while I write about a miscarriage
but yeah he’s running from
no, toward
grace pixelated exit sign on
land far from land been on
erica breathe in, it’s not that hard
redding has his eyes closed too
he’s sleeping too
she wakes him up
erica, erica, erica
don’t do this
do what I ask you
you’re a child I know that
but do what’s told of you
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12. |
last time
02:16
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she’s driving west and me back east
where her family waits, asks about me
my health, my growth, my home
the change in my tone
but they leave that
check in for their flight,
print out her boarding pass
it’s the last time
we’ll talk about it
this eight day stretch was something
gave me the context I needed
to feel human
see him again
to meet brandon
he’s now assigned to parris island
answers in a bullet as I drill him with questions
warrior that was with redding a year ago
asked for a refund, slept in his car
regardless of gravity
did it alone, did it by himself
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13. |
no mark to see
02:22
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i’m sorry for this
miller called us with notice
nothing’s being used for it’s intended purpose
i’m sorry for this
condensing all of my effort
into partial attempts
I’m who I was
I’m who I am
there is no mark to see
on my body
I was cast in my life as an understudy
and if there’s a vision I haven’t seen it yet
I pretend there’s a queue
I pretend to be you
I blame you for this
though nothing terrible has happened yet
I make it all up
I carve out a block
I outline an edge
and I stand on it
there’s a sun to see in spring
there’s a sun to see in spring
in spring
|
Alexander Nothing Grand Rapids, Michigan
Autotomy out now.
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